Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

Being "human"

Not a light-hearted day. And you might want to stay further away from your screen, because I'm in a mood, and I might even throw something, including a temper tantrum.

I'm out of balance. Wednesday night is a designated spanking night. There was no spanking last night because Mr Right was sick. At first I thought I was mad at him for being sick. Then, I realized I was extremely disappointed.

In my dysfunctional family of origin, being disappointed meant you got angry, and punished others for disappointing you. I know he couldn't help it, and he felt horrible. He even struggled with his own issue of being sick, and appearing "weak" and "helpless" in front of me. It was a tough evening emotionally for us both.

I also know that I'm out of balance because my mother is still living with me while recovering from her surgery. There was a reason that I moved out when I turned 18 - we CANNOT live together. Plus, I'm used to having my own space, and no one to bother me, or hear me when I work through my issues out loud. She has always taken the role of martyr, and she still plays it very well. Plus, she was always sick as I grew up, due to either staying up too late arguing with dad, or hung over. As she was a stay-at-home mom, I never had any time alone. I am now dealing with all of these issues again.

I so want to close my office, send my kid to her dad's and run away to a warm beach somewhere.

But, I digress. Do you ever struggle with your Dominant being "human?" God/dess knows we, as submissives or slaves, struggle with the concept, as does the community itself struggle, with the idea that a slave or submissive is "human," or has "human" needs or wants.

Does your Dominant ever let you see his/her struggle with being "human?"

BTW, the photo is of Vampirella. I read all her comics when I was young - 8 to 12. I have always wanted to be a vamp, and a vampire. yet, I'm afraid of the dark. I know - I'm weird. *shrugs* go figure.

Today's Special: Crabby Dumplings And High-Maintenance Stew

I posted much of this same remark on Sir J's blog, in response to his most recent post "Rain Rain Go Away." Because my post turned into a rant, which details my very convoluted and crabby state of mind, I decided to post it here.
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As a Taoist, I must say that there cannot be sun without rain, dark without light, day without night, good without evil, happiness without sorrow. To every action there is a reaction. Simple, logical and powerful.

And there cannot be a Dominant without a submissive. Yin and Yang.

And, yes, it takes many things for one to be a submissive. I am demanding, and in so being, I understand when something is demanded of me. I expect my directions to be followed, and so, I understand when I am to follow directions. I demand to be respected, and understand when respect is demanded of me.

But, do NOT for a minute interpret my submission as weakness. It takes great strength and resolve for me to submit, and is expected. But, for those of us who are high maintenance, it feels like work, and we wonder if our efforts are appreciated. I can understand how Dominants can feel the same - lots of work to keep us satisfied with sometimes so little appreciation shown for the Dominant's efforts.

It must be balanced, all work and no play makes Jack and Jill fussy, unhappy, and feeling unappreciated.

It's all about balance, and moderation in all things, including moderation.

It's hard to remember to appreciate the sun when it's 100 degrees in the shade, and our electricity bill is through the roof. At the same time, it's hard to appreciate the rain when it's flooded our basement, mold is growing on the walls, and we would die for a moment of sunshine.

Yin and Yang. A delicate balance, not truly appreciated until we crave that which we do not have at our instant disposal. Instant gratification has left us a group of high-maintenance people, left unsatisfied at the first instance of boring or "ho-hum"

But don't tell me what I want to hear, and then be surprised when I ask you to act in line with your words. Don't be surprised when you know I'm a woman of my word, and demand that you be a person your word as well.

And, don't be surprised when I call a "time out" on my submission, and demand to be heard as an equal, as a partner, as a person, as a professional, intelligent, licensed, and at the top of her field.

and don't you DARE question my demand to be heard as a parent, first and foremost, in assuring my young teenage daughter has a happy, stress-free, household, for I've done a DAMN good job of raising her, and I'm not going to stop doing that now because I'm a submissive.

So, I finally admit it: I'm high-maintenance, and I deserve to be treated with kid gloves. I've spent my time in the ring duking it out with my former partners. Now is MY time to be placed on the pedestal.

I like the view.