Behind the Scenes

I love this photo. It was one of the first of Gil Elvgren's prints that I saw, and I immediately fell in love with it.

Having said that, I've been doing a lot behind closed doors lately. And although I'm not yet ready to return to the world of blog on a regular or daily basis, I am missing my creative outlet.

Like other bloggers, I've come to realize that I was writing more for my audience than for me. And, I compare myself to others constantly, wondering why I don't get as many readers as others do. Even when I was writing on a regular basis, I didn't have many readers. And, so I gave up.

But, now I'm back. For the time being. Writing about what concerns me, or what is of interest to me, regardless of what responses come my way. I'm not doing this for profit, or to build a career, so followers don't matter. And I have few online "friends," and a small group of real life friends, so I'm not in need of attention either. But, as a codependent, I'm also one who struggles with moderation. I'm trying to find middle ground with my blogging, my reading of other blogs, comparing myself to other bloggers, and feeling as though I fall desperately short when it comes to subject matter and the ability to express myself.

So, I continue to try to let others see another side of me - to let you peek through the keyhole, and see behind the scene to a part of me only Mr Right sees. He tells me that I'm lovable and loved. This blogging is my attempt to work through my issues, and finally come to believe what he knows is true: I am lovable. I know I'm loved. My depression, and my codependency, and my SAD just doesn't let me accept the lovable part.

Another new year. 2009 was such a roller coaster for me!! 2009 ended on a much better note than 2008 ended. So, I hold out hope that 2010 will be a much happier year, without the constant stress, strife, and disappointment of 2009.

Last year at this time, I wasn't even blogging. Hard to believe. Also hard to believe that last year at this time, I was without a relationship, or dominant in my life, having gotten out of an abusive D/s relationship at the beginning of 2008. I was on a variety of dating sites, meeting all the jerks, and wannabes imaginable.

And then, in July 2009, I met Mr Right. And although the chaos of self-employment, an economy in the toilet, and an overly involved passive agressive mother who served as my office manager/paralegal drove me crazy, Mr Right brought sanity, peace, love, and tranquility to my life.

so, here's to love, and peace, and tranquility. Here's to 2010. May this be the year of peace and love for us all.

New Year - Getting Into Position


As you know, Mr. Right and I are getting married. What you don't know is that I've been helping my mom deal with having part of her lung removed due to cancer. For the next several weeks, she will be living with me and/or Mr Right.
This means little time alone, and virtually no spontaneous sex or play time. Considering the fact there hasn't been much play time for months, this will not be easy for either of us. Our plan was to get back into regular spankings on Wednesday & Saturday, but that plan may have to wait if we're not in the house alone, or can't find a place to be alone.
Thanks to everyone for their continued love and support. And for all your well wishes! Have a Spanking Good New Year!!

Here's the ring


well, Mr. Right proposed, and I said, "yes." I knew the proposal was coming before Christmas, just didn't know when. the wedding will be in July.

We've done our sharing of loving, laughing, spanking, and lots of sex. We've been sick together, miserable together, happy together, and suffered depression, and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) together. We had only 2 times when we were at odds, and it lasted only a few minutes. We talked through it all, and knew all the while that it was due to our fatigue, our SAD, and our aches & pains.

I've never been so =content, so peaceful, so happy. He truly is my Prince Charming - my Mr Right. And, now? It's forever.

unraveled-taking a break


I haven't been around in a while. I've noticed others in blogland taking a hiatus. As of this moment, a time-out from worrying about whether or not to blog, and what to say or not say, sounds really good.

I'm exhausted. My office has become so busy, that I'm at the point of considering whether to hire another attorney, and wondering how I'm going to pay for more staff. I barely have the money to pay my bills, and my mother is still working for free.

But neither of us can keep up, particularly with her health in question, due to her age-related issues for a woman in her late 60s, and me, a woman with fibromyalgia, and a self-employed lawyer who is trying to raise a teenage daughter, and develop a permanent relationship with Mr Right.

I worked all night Thursday night, and filed an important motion to substitute out a judge for cause on Friday morning. I'm also handling an appeal in the same case, plus my other cases. Mr. Right was also my Prince Charming in that he made sure I got some rest, and yet, got up in sufficient time to prepare the motion to file before court. Then I spent the rest of the day trying to catch up on sleep. Still, we're both exhausted. And my motion that I spent all the time on was denied. I'm so frustrated and tired that I could just collapse on the floor and cry like a 3 year old who desperately needs a nap.

Spanking still helps keeps me balanced, and Mr Right did a fine job of giving me some "sub space" with a healthy spanking Saturday night before we went to a friend's Halloween costume party. The party was fun, and we went as Captain Jack Sparrow & his pirate slut. My friends' band played and we had a few fun hours.

Today he's watching football while we do laundry, run errands, and I figure out how to deal with the court issues that arose from my Friday filing. And get some sleep.

I love you all. and I miss you too. I haven't even had the time or energy to read other blogs and post to them. I hope everyone is doing well. I'll be back, but I just don't know when.....
Feel free to drop me a line at cutesypah@gmail.com.

Keep spanking! It works if you work it!!