Cutesypah's Corner

I love this photo. It was one of the first of Gil Elvgren's prints that I saw, and I immediately fell in love with it.

Having said that, I've been doing a lot behind closed doors lately. And although I'm not yet ready to return to the world of blog on a regular or daily basis, I am missing my creative outlet.

Like other bloggers, I've come to realize that I was writing more for my audience than for me. And, I compare myself to others constantly, wondering why I don't get as many readers as others do. Even when I was writing on a regular basis, I didn't have many readers. And, so I gave up.

But, now I'm back. For the time being. Writing about what concerns me, or what is of interest to me, regardless of what responses come my way. I'm not doing this for profit, or to build a career, so followers don't matter. And I have few online "friends," and a small group of real life friends, so I'm not in need of attention either. But, as a codependent, I'm also one who struggles with moderation. I'm trying to find middle ground with my blogging, my reading of other blogs, comparing myself to other bloggers, and feeling as though I fall desperately short when it comes to subject matter and the ability to express myself.

So, I continue to try to let others see another side of me - to let you peek through the keyhole, and see behind the scene to a part of me only Mr Right sees. He tells me that I'm lovable and loved. This blogging is my attempt to work through my issues, and finally come to believe what he knows is true: I am lovable. I know I'm loved. My depression, and my codependency, and my SAD just doesn't let me accept the lovable part.

Another new year. 2009 was such a roller coaster for me!! 2009 ended on a much better note than 2008 ended. So, I hold out hope that 2010 will be a much happier year, without the constant stress, strife, and disappointment of 2009.

Last year at this time, I wasn't even blogging. Hard to believe. Also hard to believe that last year at this time, I was without a relationship, or dominant in my life, having gotten out of an abusive D/s relationship at the beginning of 2008. I was on a variety of dating sites, meeting all the jerks, and wannabes imaginable.

And then, in July 2009, I met Mr Right. And although the chaos of self-employment, an economy in the toilet, and an overly involved passive agressive mother who served as my office manager/paralegal drove me crazy, Mr Right brought sanity, peace, love, and tranquility to my life.

so, here's to love, and peace, and tranquility. Here's to 2010. May this be the year of peace and love for us all.