and then SAD set in.....

I have seasonal affective disorder - SAD. so, in the autumn and winter, I feel horrible - depressed, moody, and lots of pain. and because I understand the Law of Attraction, and recognize how it works, when I'm down and sad, things around me do not go well, or break, or stop working. my laptop died. my sleep number bed broke. my daughter's laptop keyboard now has a broken "f" key because I was trying to remove a piece of paper stuck under it, and the plastic key cover came off and I can't get it back on.

and a judge completely ignored what I'd filed with the court (an emergency motion including physical abuse of a 12 year old by his 16 year old brother including bruises due to choking), and ordered the child back to his father. I was devastated. and to compound misery, my daughter also has SAD and has been yelling at me. plus my mom had a colonoscopy where they removed a polyp and we're waiting on results. oh yea, and Mr. Right's sick too.

could I be anymore of an "Eeyore" right now?

Air Force graduation was very good and very bad. my son graduated with honors which means you must rank in the top ten percent in all categories. But, you must also be nominated by your instructor for honors. I was SO proud, and my son looked wonderful. The bad part? My ex was there with his girlfriend who is a complete jerk, and my kids hate her, particularly my son. And my ex's parents, the ones who broke up my marriage, were there as well. I finally had a mini-hissy fit when they ran off and left me, my daughter, Mr Right & my mother wondering where they had gone, and where they were. plus, it went from 90 degrees to 60 degrees with rain, and more rain. The hotel had water standing in the hall ways. But, my son was happy to see us, and that was wonderful.

Neither of us have felt well at the same time for spanking since our return from the Air Force graduation. Although he and I both know we both could use the release, we agree that it wouldn't be prudent when I'm hurting, and he's not rested enough to monitor me closely.

The one very bright shining time in all this woe and misery? Mr. Right took me shopping for engagement and wedding rings this past weekend!!! The joke is that he's deciding how expensive I am before he decides to propose. LOL! Seriously, we had a great time looking at rings, as neither of us had ever done that before. And he was thrilled & surprised that I had no clue he was going to take me to look at rings. Although we were exhausted by the time we arrived home (it's 1.5 hours one way to a shopping mall), we had a great time learning more about our likes and how well we each work together to understand and respect our different opinions.

a quick wave "hello"

Hi all. Super busy. Super tired. Super happy. Laptop died. Another trial Friday & starting to write an appeal. Be back to write more soon. Weekend trip to Air Force graduation was wonderful. Mr Right bought me a formal collar that I can wear with my suits. Doesn't cover the hickey bite marks though. *grins*

trusting Mr Right

It's pouring rain outside. I want to be snuggled under the covers with Mr Right while the rain splatters on the concrete under the window. but, instead, I'm on the couch writing this instead of getting ready for work.

Mr Right and I had a wonderful trip to the beach, and are getting ready to leave again for my son's Air Force basic training graduation on Wednesday.

And, we continue to get closer, and the bond becomes stronger between us every day. we've talked of marriage, of planning a wedding, and combining our households. but, it's not official. no proposal, but I'm told it's coming. I'm so excited that I could run screaming down the street, "He loves me! He loves me!! He loves me!!!" and I don't run. Ever. *laughs*

To top it all off? To make things even better? We had anal sex on Saturday night. Our first time together. I love anal sex. It's an amazing, intimate experience that I've shared with two people before Mr Right. He had anal sex before, but it wasn't memorable, because his partners weren't really into it. So, together, for us, it was incredibly intimate, and built an even stronger level of trust between us.

Anal sex, for me, requires lots of lube, lots of deep breathing, and lots of focus on relaxation. I have always controlled the initial penetration because I didn't trust my partner not to hurt me. I've always sat on my partner's lap, facing him, knees bent, my thighs outside his, and simply lowered myself onto his cock. I couldn't manage that this time, so I let Mr Right penetrate me, first from behind, and then I was on my back, legs raised, as he pushed inside me. He was so very gentle, and tender, and was thrilled that I trusted him so completely.

When it was apparent he wasn't going to cum that way, and my body was aching from fatigue, we stopped, and just rested in each other's arms. The only time I ever felt closer to a human being was when my children were born, and again, as they were so tiny, and held onto me for love and comfort. It was one of those moments that I will carry with me for a lifetime - the realization that I belong, that I matter, and that someone has penetrated my internal walls, and he will not abuse the trust I have placed in him.

With Mr Right, there are no doubts, no nagging fears, no wishes that this or that were different. I don't remember feeling like this about anyone before. Yes, I've been head over heels in love, or so I thought. But even then, there were things about my love interest that I dreaded, or disliked, or thought I wanted to, or could, change.

This time, those fears, or nagging worries, or dislikes don't exist. And, trust me, I've looked for them, and poured through my thoughts, and impressions, and memories to find any red flags I've overlooked or ignored. There are none.

Life is good. I'm happy. I'm in love. I'm lovable. I'm loved. Life is good.

albertville, al police cruiserImage by Johnny Stiletto via Flickr

News like this makes me CRAZY!!

Mon Oct 5, 9:07 pm ET - from the Associated Press

ALBERTVILLE, Ala. – An Alabama woman has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child after police say she let her daughter ride in a cardboard box on top of their van. Albertville Police spokesman Sgt. Jamie Smith said the 37-year-old woman was arrested Sunday after police received a call about a minivan on a state highway with a child riding on top.

Smith said the woman told police the box was too big to go inside the van, and that her daughter was inside the box to hold it down.

Smith said the mother told officers it was safe because she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger.

The 13-year-old daughter wasn't harmed and was turned over to a relative. A jail worker said the mother was out on bond Monday.

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Spankings and "Glee"

from Sue Sylvester on Fox TV hit show Glee: "You know caning has fallen out of fashion in the United States but ask anyone who’s safely walked the immaculate sidewalks of Singapore after winning an international cheerleading competition, and they’ll tell you one thing — caning WORKS! And I think it’s about time we did a little more of it right here. And to all those naysayers out there who say “That’s illegal. You can’t strike children on their bare buttocks with razor-sharp bamboo sticks!” Well to them I say “Yes we CANE!” And that’s how Sue C’s it!"

Did anyone else see this? I love this show, and I laughed my ass off this segment of the show was on national television!!

so it's 3am, and I'm in a beach side hotel watching Mr Right sleep. Things are wonderful. I won another trial last week, and got paid in full immediately afterwards. Yay! My daughter is staying with a friend this week while I'm gone, and my son graduates basic training next week.

I haven't had a maintenance spanking in a few days because of the travel, but I'm actually handling it quite well. There hasn't been a great deal of stress this week because of the mini-vacation, so I've been able to maintain balance without a spanking.

Maintenance spankings work well when I'm under a great deal of stress. Spankings are also part of our foreplay. So, getting a good spanking is like a runner's high for me. They bring all my suppressed emotions to the surface: anger, depression, failure, frustration, regret, exhaustion, confusion and more.

Mr Right knows that when I've been very busy, very focused, and driven to be the best as an attorney, he knows that my little girl inside feels the need to be cared for. She wants to cry but doesn't dare for looking weak. She wants to crawl under the covers, but doesn't dare because there are too many deadlines to meet. Because I strive to be the "perfect little girl," at all times, he knows this is a terrible strain on me.

A good, hard spanking will bring me to tears, forcing me to cry out, as I fight not to let the pain overwhelm me. But, before too many strokes, I've given in to the emotions, let the tears flow, as my cries permeate the air. And, in a short while, the endorphins flood my brain and body, and I'm drifting, "flying" as it were, and typically falling into a dreamy sleepy state. For me, it's like a meditative state, that feeling of not being awake, not yet asleep, just cozy, and comfy, and happy - deliriously happy, as though I'm floating on clouds.

I believe this is why I can't handle spankings for punishment. It's too confusing for me to separate the punishment/guilt/disappointment from a spanking that can also transport me to a most relaxed state, or sexually stimulate me, and bring me such heightened sexual pleasure.

If spanking is associated with punishment, all those other benefits are lost. This is why the worst punishment for me is giving me a "time out." That action makes it clear that I have lost sight of what is best for our relationship, and need to figure out how to make US a priority again.

So, I'm off to read about what all my friends are up to in our corner of blogworld. Bottoms Up!!