happiness is a pleased Dominant

life is good here. spanking abounds, and Mr Right keeps showing me more of his sadistic tendencies and Dominant persona each and every day. He and I have spent a lot of quiet time together, too, reading books, sipping coffee, him stroking my hair as I doze beside him on the couch. Who knew I could find my Mr Right and Prince Charming (my name for him in front of his family) right here in my hometown? He and I are still both in awe of the ways that we mesh so beautifully, and easily.

I asked him if he was ever concerned when we first met, if he would be too kinky for me. He said he was concerned, and hoped, that I would be just as kinky. I, too, was extremely worried that my kinks and desires would be too much for a 'nilla like him. Little did we know that we were perfectly matched in our sex drive and desires. It just goes to show that you never know the answer until you ask!

and, kudos to the Discerning Dom for his explanation of "what a dom wants." You can check it out here. It made me smile, and helped me to better understand why Mr Right so loves it when I submit.

Donors Needed

because my friend o.g. asked, I'm posting this link. I've always been a blood donor, and an organ donor. When my father died of lung cancer, as a smoker the only part which was viable for donation was his eyes. Considering the fact that I underwent major eye surgery at age 14, as did my brother at 12, and we both benefitted from eye donations, donors are extremely important to us.

Please do your part. It's the least we can do as humans for our fellow humans.

Happy & Tired

yes, it is very possible to be both. I was thinking of the phrase, "sick & tired," which is where I was but a mere five weeks ago. but "happy & tired" is much more the appropriate definition. I can't imagine being in a better place than where I am in my life right now. ok, maybe if I had enough money to buy my own island, and retire to it with only Mr Right, my daughter, my mother, and staff to care for everyone who came to visit (yes, of course I'd invite YOU, and pick you up in my personal jet), life could be better, but, otherwise, every day is like living my dream come true with Mr Right in my life.

Mr Right & I have spent nearly every day together since we met four weeks ago. He was the one who told me "Happy Anniversary," last night (Tuesday), as it was four weeks ago when I asked him to dinner, and he said "yes." He admitted that before dating me, he never tracked anniversaries, nor did he truly understand the importance of recognizing them. With me, he says anniversaries are important, and have great meaning. He also reminded me that Friday it will be an entire month since our first dinner together. How sweet is that?!

I can't believe it's only been four weeks because it just feels so right being with him. We talk, and walk, and cook, and shop, and sleep together as though we've been together for years. He is just so damned comfortable to me - in body, mind, spirit, ideas, dreams, everthing!

And, for mouse, who hates people who are always happy (giggles - i couldn't resist sweetie), we are really happy all of the time. It's sickening really, like love-sick teenagers, we are! We haven't even had a major disagreement yet. We've talked about a lot of differing opinions, as he's a conservative Republican, and I'm very liberal, and a Taoist to boot (i.e., go with the flow), but we can agree to disagree. We've had our share of deeply emotional discussions, and shed a few tears, but nothing earth-shaking. Oh, we know the disagreements are coming, but we are both amazed that neither of us have found any red flags.

And, considering we are both recovering codependents, who have had difficulty with moderation, (who am I kidding? I HAVE difficulty with moderation!!) we try very hard to keep things in balance, and in perspective.

Having said that, we have had sex every day, or even 2-3 times a day for 24 out of the 29 days we've been together. And, the sex? Amazing, mind-blowing, drench the bed orgasms this man gives me!! I've had more marks on my neck than Dracula's victims! He's given me such intense g-spot orgasms with his hands, and mixing tjat with massive amounts of nipple torture that while I was on my knees, with his fingers stroking my g-spot, my cum was literally running down his arms, and making pools of liquid on the bed. Once he pulled me on top of him, and I slid my cunt over his hard cock, my cum continued to run down his balls, and make an even bigger wet spot under his buttocks.

and the oral sex he wants is heavenly! it's nothing for me to suck on him for 20-30 minutes at a time, building up the saliva so that the spit runs from my mouth, down his balls, where he pushes my head down until my eyes run from choking on him, and I struggle to catch my breath in gasps, my throat sore and burning from his hard thrusts deeper and deeper over the back of my tongue, down my throat, causing me to gag, and swallow, as he moans his pleasure, and calls me his cunt, his pet cumslut, and his fucktoy. Just writing this makes me swollen and wet, wishing he were here to push first his fingers and then his cock deep inside my cunt.

Oh, and let's not forget the spankings where he bruised his hand, and made me fly! I had warned him about my deep subspace, as he had never experienced something like that before. I tried to keep my wits about me enough to tell him that I was going "bye bye" for a little while. He was amazed at the depth of my subspace, and was truly concerned for my well-being, staying with me at all times, kissing my cheek gently, rubbing my hair, and telling me all the while, "I'm right here, baby. You're safe with me. I'm not going to leave you." It was so touching that I cried when I came around, and regained the ability to communicate with him.

He also talked of his realization how important trust was, and how much I trust him, as he noted how easy it would be to mistreat me, and abuse me as I was so vulnerable when I was in subspace. I hugged him tightly, and told him that I did trust him, and was so thankful he appreciated my submission. It was then he told me I was his, and he was mine, and I'd never be submitting to anyone but him ever again. It made my heart leap with joy. so, yes, Vesta, I've got a "live one!" *laughing*

He truly is my Mr Right. I know that I had to experience all the others before him to learn what I wanted and needed in my life. I know that I HAD to learn that my consent is the ultimate truth, and my mental health and well-being are the most important issues. For if I don't take care of me, there will be no one to take care of my daughter.

Oh, yes, speaking of my daughter, she and Mr Right have become even better friends. I asked him to pick up my daughter after school the other day because I was taking my mother out of town to see a doctor. He picked her up, and she asked if she could hang out at his house until her dad came to get her. The two of them watched television, made snacks, and then had a rip-roaring good time picking on me once I arrived at his house. And, then Mr Right met the ex-husband, T, who immediately thought Mr Right was a great guy, especially since our little girl was singing his praises.

And, the business is going great guns! I've tripled my client list, and having more potential clients call every day. pretty soon I'm going to have to hire additional help. Mom & I just aren't going to be able to handle the load alone much longer. Plus I'm still waiting to hear if I'm going to be gaining a national client that would truly "put me on the map." Plus, I still have the option of doing some guest lectures at the community college where Mr Right works, and maybe consider a teaching position there next year.

So, know that I'm still reading all the blogs, thinking of you all, and wishing you all the best life can offer.

And, to my close & personal blog friends (you know who you are), I promise to write very soon.

a quick wave "hello"

all is good. Mr Right allows more of his dominance to show every day. More bite marks to cover up - we've still got to figure out where he can bite that gives me as much of a thrill as it does when he bites my neck. Either that, or find a MUCH better concealer! *laughs* I'm head over heels in love, and still no red flags, not even a shade of pink - well, except on my behind, and in my cheeks. *grins*

Another important note: Mr Right has already figured out that I need a really hard spanking when I'm stressed out. Earlier this week, he knew that I was scheduled for a really difficult day, and it was, indeed, stressful. That night, he took me to bed, and spanked me until I cried, and called "yellow." When I asked him why he did that, he said he knew that I needed the release, and that he had to take care of his baby. I had some really nice diclorations of my rear to prove it, and felt them every time I sat down the next door. Needless to say, I'm all smiles, all the time.

My daughter thinks Mr Right is amazing, and said we could move in with him anytime I'm ready. Wait! This is MY kid talking?! OMG!

Oh, and two more things: business is booming, and I just landed a major role in our community's local play. I'm going to be Nancy in "The Women." Woo Hoo!!

Getting Settled In

Life is very, very good here in Cutesypah's corner of the world. I forgot how much fun it was to be "high" on the chemicals your body creates when you're head over heels in love, and having more sex than you've had since college. Plus, add in all the intoxicating feelings that occur as you define a new D/s relationship, and you've got a two grown adults acting like giggly, love-struck teenagers all over again.

Another spanking session with Mr Right last night left me with some new discoloration on my left side. Previously, it was more pronounced on my right side. Plus, his mouth on my cunt, licking and sucking at my clit until I soaked the bed with my cum, made the spanking all the more pleasurable. Goddess, I'd forgotten what it's like to have a man waiting, willing, and available to have me every time his heart and cock desires. I've once again become the cumslut and fucktoy I have always yearned to be.

Yet, there is so much more to our relationship than just sex, but it does fit the bill nicely. Mr Right commented that I am so much more relaxed, and balanced, since we've begun our journey together. And, yes, my codependency has retreated for now, as there is no drama, and there are no issues nor concerns that I see, or even am trying to ignore, right now. Seriously, I know when I'm ignoring the red flags, and when I'm minimizing, or justifying, or rationalizing someone's behavior. And, I'm just not finding ANYTHING with Mr Right to be concerned about.

This is so wicked good, it's scary!

Today's Special: Plain Vanilla

I just realized something interesting, and something I haven't experienced in a long time: I know I'm falling for Mr Right because many of the things I want to do with him are so vanilla: watching all kinds of movies together, spending the weekend just talking, shopping, cleaning, cooking, and just "being." Oh yes, and all without drama. I haven't felt this way since I decided to get married way back in 1987.

What is it that in your D/s relationship that lets you know THIS is the real thing, and your partnership can stand the test of time?

Today's Special: Sub Drop Soup

Sub drop has always been a curious thing to me. Mr. Right, having no previous submissives to play with, doesn't understand it all that much. Hell, I've been actively participating in D/s since 1998 and I STILL don't understand it completely.

Having said that, Mr Right did a magnificent job of spanking me until I cried, and I have the wonderful light bruises to show for it, but a very tender bottom. We had a very, very long talk about "skeletons" in our closets, and the walls we've each built up over the years. I know we touched on some very sensitive subjects, but we each respected the other's position, and agree we are much closer for it.

And, somewhere along the way, I picked up a stomach bug that my mother and my daughter are presently sharing - yuck. So, is it sub drop, or merely the fact that I'm tired, and don't feel good? *shrugs* who knows? all I know is that my stomach swears we're on deck on a ship in the middle of the rolling ocean, and I'm trying to do all I can to keep the nausea at bay.

Or maybe it's because my son arrived at the Air Force base to begin basic training, and called me, but I missed the call. I cried, and Mr. Right held me close, gently rubbing my head, back and shoulders all the while. He really is wonderful.

Meanwhile, I'm trying not to overwhelm Mr. Right with mushy emails telling him how I'm head over heels for him, and in short, doing all I can to keep from begging him not to go away. The good part? He is VERY familiar with codependency, and we are both focused on our recovery, and keeping our hands off each other's issues.

And, I'm waaaay behind reading everyone's blogs. bleh.

Under New Management

Well, I spent the weekend with Mr. Right. That's what I'm calling him for now, until we come up with a better name for him. Personally, I think this name is perfect for him. I'm terrified I'm going to frighten him off because I'm falling for him so quickly. But he assures me that he's never met a woman like me, but I'm everything for which he's been searching.

The weekend was relaxing, and simple. Grilled steaks for lunch when I met his parents and nephew; bacon, eggs, and coffee for breakfast this morning, all cooked by him while I watched. He's already bought "toys," including a leather paddle for spankings. And, orgasms by the boat-loads. I'm in heaven!!!!

seriously, I can't find a single thing wrong with this guy. He's attentive, yet reserved. He's private about his kinks, and requires monogamy. He's very interested in the Taken in Hand because of that. He's reading more and more about Dominance, and is enjoying his ability to control me, with little to no effort. Because he has a life, friends and a career, he's not into micromanaging, but is very happy with the "head of household" concept. He's also very much a "nympho" like me, and in fact, I've met him thrust for thrust (for the most part), and even wore HIM out a time or two. That's funny because he's called me a "cougar" a time or two (he's five years younger), but is thrilled with having a "real woman" in touch with her body and comfortable with her sexuality. And, he's quickly admitting that he does have a sadistic streak when it comes to sex, and he's putting my colors to the test, just to see how much pain this girl can handle.

Best of all? He calls me his, and tells me that he's all mine. In not even two weeks. Hmmmm......the last time I fell this hard this fast, (even without the kink and great sex) I got married, had 2 kids, and stayed 17 years. Gosh, with no concern about kids, plus this time getting great sex, the kinks, the Dominance, and an educated man who backs up his arguments with logic and quotes Supreme Court law to me? I'm addicted, completely head over heels, falling in love, bewitched, twitterpated, and captured, hook, line & sinker.

Oh, and to add to the menu? Tantric sex. Yummy! Did I mention I think he's got that "mischievious little boy," "rugged boy next door" Matthew McConaughey look going? I'm telling you - this man looks at me with that glint in his eye, and I'm ready to peel clothes off, drop to my knees, and serve him any way he wishes.

And, the man spanks me like he's been doing this for years. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I'm a very happy, very thankful submissive!!

Currently Undergoing Renovation

I can't thank everyone enough for your kind words, and your support. This really wasn't as hard on me as I expected. Once I made the break, I realized how miserable I was, and how I was in love with his potential, rather than the reality. Because the reality didn't sit well with me at all. Although I haven't spoken with him, or had any contact with him (and I don't intend to), I want to believe that some part of him did love me, and that some part of him acknowledges the loss.

Having said that, I have been quite lucky to meet a very handsome, popular, well-liked college professor who lives in my hometown, and that nearly all of my friends were dying to set me up with. When we met, the chemisty was instantaneous, and we've already spent a great deal of time together. Great thing is that he is extremely kinky, and loves the "Taken in Hand" concept, as well as has a best friend very involved in BDSM. I just mentioned that I was submissive, and every evening we talk about what he's read that day on the topic, and we share how we think D/s should be incorporated into our relationship.

I have to admit, the very first night we went to dinner, before I even gave him a clue that I was submissive, we were out in the parking lot, and he gave me a hug and kiss goodnight. He said to me, out of the blue, "Now you get home and get some rest like a good girl, and I'll check in with you tomorrow." Talk about nearly swooning!

Plus, he met my adult son and they got along fabulously. My daughter thinks he's great as well, so that's a good thing. And my mom is also impressed with him, which helps a ton. The other great thing? He's never been married, no kids, but is considered a real catch, with his own house, his own life, and his own friends.

so, there you have it. I'm alive, kicking, and actually doing very well. I'm very content seeing someone who lives only 3 miles away, and someone who knows more people in town than I do. Also, it's kinda nice to be the "town couple" right now - kinda like King & Queen of the Prom - everybody wants to shake your hand, and say "congrats" for finding each other.

The new guy and I have yet to come up with a pseudonym for him. I'm going to stick with my pseudonym for now, but I may change it a little later if the new guy thinks it necessary.

hugs to all!!