Being "human"

Not a light-hearted day. And you might want to stay further away from your screen, because I'm in a mood, and I might even throw something, including a temper tantrum.

I'm out of balance. Wednesday night is a designated spanking night. There was no spanking last night because Mr Right was sick. At first I thought I was mad at him for being sick. Then, I realized I was extremely disappointed.

In my dysfunctional family of origin, being disappointed meant you got angry, and punished others for disappointing you. I know he couldn't help it, and he felt horrible. He even struggled with his own issue of being sick, and appearing "weak" and "helpless" in front of me. It was a tough evening emotionally for us both.

I also know that I'm out of balance because my mother is still living with me while recovering from her surgery. There was a reason that I moved out when I turned 18 - we CANNOT live together. Plus, I'm used to having my own space, and no one to bother me, or hear me when I work through my issues out loud. She has always taken the role of martyr, and she still plays it very well. Plus, she was always sick as I grew up, due to either staying up too late arguing with dad, or hung over. As she was a stay-at-home mom, I never had any time alone. I am now dealing with all of these issues again.

I so want to close my office, send my kid to her dad's and run away to a warm beach somewhere.

But, I digress. Do you ever struggle with your Dominant being "human?" God/dess knows we, as submissives or slaves, struggle with the concept, as does the community itself struggle, with the idea that a slave or submissive is "human," or has "human" needs or wants.

Does your Dominant ever let you see his/her struggle with being "human?"

BTW, the photo is of Vampirella. I read all her comics when I was young - 8 to 12. I have always wanted to be a vamp, and a vampire. yet, I'm afraid of the dark. I know - I'm weird. *shrugs* go figure.

10 Comments so far »

  1. by Sara , on January 14, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    Yes, I struggle with him not being perfect, his human weaknesses, and sometimes he does as well. He wants to be everything I need, but sometimes that is not possible. I think we expect a lot, and we get a lot from our guys. They tend to be men who really step up and do more. But they ARE human and (I try to remind myself)it's not fair to be unreasonable. Wait...ya mean it is not all about me??? ;)

  2. by spirited one , on January 15, 2010 at 5:48 AM

    Asha has chronic fatigue syndrome and quite often when it flairs up it just feels like he doesn't care about anything. He doesn't have the energy to care. I know it's not his fault and he doesn't exactly enjoy feeling that way, but it's still hard. During those times I quite often have to step up and be the Domme cause he refuses to rest when he should and so on. So yeah... I know how you feel.

    *hugs*

    spirited

  3. by Anonymous , on January 15, 2010 at 1:32 PM

    Many times disappointment means loss and abandonment - It also pushes me over the edge when D's sick. And yes, we put them in a non human role b/c we need them to be all & everything to us. For me it was b/c I loved his dependability capacity. But in retrospect it would be hideous if he really was perfect! Hope you feel better soon! KayLynn

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