gaining trust while giving up control

Orgasm control is what he has now. I am to only cum with him. I may play with myself, but I may not cum without him. I've never been one who has understood or accepted orgasm control because to me it meant orgasm denial. Never having dating someone who lived close to me, orgasm control meant days or weeks of waiting to have an orgasm, or having an orgasm only with phone sex. And because my partner was never around, it was easy to cheat or to lie about having or not having orgasms. And, because my partners never were around enough to know if I was lying, I lost respect for them, and for the relationship. a D/s relationship bcame a farce to me. But not anymore. Now, I like the idea of only having orgasms in Mr Right's presence, because then we can enjoy my orgasms together. The way we want to be - together.

I got another maintenance spanking tonight. It seems that about 2-3 times a week I need a spanking to balance me out. Now don't misunderstand - the spanking still gets me incredibly wet, and makes Mr Right incredibly turned on, and we end up having fabulous sex. But the spanking was to balance me, to allow me to release the stress that had built up for me this week. Between missing my son who's at basic training, and taking on more new clients, having a migraine and a touch of a stomach bug, and still worried about my mom having vision problems, my plate's been a veritable cornucopia of stress-filled issues.

and bless Mr Right's heart because he is the one who decided that I would benefit from the spanking, decided that I needed the spanking, and then told me I would get the spanking because it was best for me, and best for us. And during the spanking, I decided to give up my safe words, and see what happened, and I told him I would not use a safe word. He was surprised, but seemed impressed that I did offer this. He spanked me until I cried, wailed, begged him to stop, and on the times that I could not stand the pain, I raised up , and pulled away from him. He simply placed his hand between my shoulder blades, up near my neck, and pressed down, and said, "I'm here. I've got you. You're doing so well. Let it go. You're such a good girl. I know you need this."

the bruises are quite dark. I, for one, love my marks, and bruises. I even have a few welts where he spanked particularly hard, and irritated a few of my stretch marks. Next time he tells me he will use the belt. I think for that, I may ask to use my safe words. Better safe than sorry.

Mr Right has been reading my blogroll, as well as doing some more searching on various topics that interest him, including maintenance spankings, release of emotions, and stress, as well as spankings and other methods used for punishment. He has decided that containment, and "putting me on a shelf," as Vesta described it, is the best way to punish me. We also talked about a way to release my anger, or my energy during a spanking. Tonight, I think he understood that a spanking isn't just a release for me, it's a balancing mechanism. Spanking helps reestablish my equilibrium - his words, a perfect definition, imnsho.

I'm still amazed at how quickly he has taken to all of this, how well he's handled everything I've thrown his way, and that he's done the research to really learn and understand the logistics as well as the dynamics of Taken in Hand and D/s relationships. I've been really thinking about this, and I don't think there's anything more I could ask for in a partner. He really has been a dream come true for me, and me for him.

We talked tonight of how we didn't know what we were missing and longing for until we had each other in our lives. He spoke early on of not realizing that I had what he needed until I was in his life to show him what he had been missing. funny how true that statement really is. This man seems too good to be true. And he feels the same about me. And, this all happened because I went to the local coffee shoppe on the advice of my mother that I needed to get out, and network. Thanks mom!!

And, after only six weeks, Mr Right & I have decided that we're in love, and we're stuck with each other for good. In fact, tonight he told me that he is the last man to whom I ever submit. And, one more bit of control.

He yawned. I said, "don't yawn. It makes me sleepy."

His tone was firm, but pleasant. "I didn't just hear my very good girl tell me what not to do, did I?"

"No Sir."

"Good girls don't tell their Dominants what to do, or not to do, do they?"

"No Sir."

"I didn't think so. And, you are a very good girl, aren't you?"

"yes Sir."

"I thought so."

Tonight is our "me time," so I'm at home on the laptop, and catching up on my various television shows saved on my DVR, while he's out bowling with the boys. I'm to spend five minutes every hour thinking of him and us, and how much I enjoyed the spanking, and how it relaxed and balanced me. What a very lucky girl I am!!

6 Comments so far »

  1. by mouse , on September 5, 2009 at 12:34 AM

    You are so lucky! I'm thrilled for you! He sounds like such a great guy and so perfect for you!

  2. by Anonymous , on September 5, 2009 at 7:12 AM

    Sounds like the beginning of a beautiful relationship! So truly happy for you! :)

  3. by nancy , on September 5, 2009 at 4:44 PM

    How wonderful that he is just so -- wonderful!
    You two sure are moving fast and so smoothly.
    Good for you both!

  4. by nancy , on September 5, 2009 at 4:57 PM

    And I meant to say..good punishment choice. That one always works for me.

  5. by Florida Dom , on September 5, 2009 at 9:35 PM

    Congrats. The two of you appear to be such a perfect fit and you're meeting each other's needs. He's bringing out your submissive side and your submission is bringing out his dom side. I think the orgasm denial is another step in the lifestyle. Enjoy the journey.


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